Feeling like there is target painted on me.
Feeling that no matter how much I dance around, the winds of change will find me.
Realizing that I painted the target on myself and wishing the wind would blow faster.

We bought a Wii

After years of a video gaming system free house. We now have one!

back story:
I banished video games to the cold basement after Kaitlyn was born. The sounds of people being killed woke her from her nap repeatedly. She was a very hard child to get to fall asleep and I was very sleep deprived. I believe I might have inferred to darling husband that severe bodily harm would come to him if video games ever bother child or me again, severe bodily harm. Anyway I didn't see or hear or have an a-wall husband due to video games ever again. Now back to my story.

I had been looking into a video gaming system for awhile. Darling Husband was hesitant, he still vividly remembered hormonal, sleep deprived wife, that had banished video games. I pointed out that before the children came we played video games together all the time. We used to invite people over and have video game playing parties with multiple consoles all hooked together. (yes we are geeky, we like sci-fi stuff too, including star trek)
After a few minuets when Eric remembered these things, his eyes lit up, "The x-box 360 looks so cool and the games...... oh Kat that would be awesome lets go get one right now!" I felt bad, but I had to crush that little ray of hope. I said that whatever we got the girls had to be able to play. And none of the... well they can play this one game, while the other 20 they can't be in the room for buisness.
A little crest fallen Eric looked at me and said, "So you want a Wii? I can work with that. Can we go get it right now?"

1 Wii, 1 extra regular controller, 2 motion plus controllers, a zapper, a balance board, a memory card, and a hard drive later..... we own a Wii.
The girls love it! Eric loves it! I really enjoy all the old school games and I love the Wii fit Plus. Oh and I love battling my hubby after the girls go to bed. Some times I win, Sometimes he wins, every time we have fun. And who would have guessed that a video game would get me to do yoga. Well not me.

questions

Is it time to have another baby?
So I have been on the pro baby band wagon for the last 2 years. Since shortly before Samantha's second birthday. She will be 4 years old this march.
Now my darling husband often humored my pro baby status, but wasn't willing to give it the go ahead. His standard answer was, "let's talk again in 6 months."
He is now on the pro baby #3 bandwagon. And since I always said 2 or 4 kids, he's also on board of the baby #4 bandwagon.
I have suddenly jumped off the pro baby bandwagon. I didn't jump into the "No baby" bandwagon. I'm just on the ground walking and watching the wagons drive off into the distance.

The girls are mostly self sufficient. Yes, they still need me, but less and less. Mostly my help is for safety reasons, not because they can't or don't want to do it on their own. I have time for "Me time" because of this new independence. Me time is awesome. I missed it.
Being pregnant was a very unpleasant experience. Wonderful yes, but down right miserable for 9 months. Do I really want to do that again?
Infants need to be fed every 2 hours and changed every 2 hours, 24 hours a day. Sleep is a wonderful thing. I missed sleep too. For the first time in 6 years I sleep through the night, unless someone is sick. Do I really want to wait another six years for sleep?

Now that hubby is giving the go ahead, I'm not sure I have the courage to jump in the water.

Yes, I want another baby. No, I don't feel done having children. I long to feel full with life, even when that life is bruising my ribs. My arms ache to hold another baby. My heart longs to love this new person.

But I truly feel the weight of that commitment this time. And to be honest..... it scares the crap out of me.

I was a crafty lady this year in preparation for the holidays.

I made chocolates.
I made super hero capes.
I made magnets.
I made felt food.

I had so very much fun making. I enjoyed it in a spiritual fulfilling sort of way. There is something so special about taking one thing and creating it into something else.

I finished with plenty of time to enjoy our very busy holiday schedule. Oh and a very busy holiday schedule we did have.

Just wondering what I will do now.

my thoughtful girls

My darling girls gave me the most thoughtful gifts for Christmas.

Samantha gave me,
picked out while shopping with dad much to his dismay-
a large white board type calender with a notes section at the bottom. I was using a small magnetic calender and having to write all my notes directly on the fridge. Now I no longer have to write on the fridge.
picked out by herself at Santa express-
a teddy bear. I didn't have a snuggle buddy, this fact really bothered Sam, so she fixed it.

Kaitlyn gave me,
picked out with dad again much to his dismay-
a pair of soft fuzzy socks, just like the ones Kaitlyn has that i always say "oh i wish i had a pair of soft fuzzy socks just like you". now i do.
picked out by herself at the Santa express-
A necklace. A pretty necklace for a pretty mama, she told me. Eric was very bummed by this because he walked the girls around the jewelery counter many times but they would not change their mind from the calender and socks.

I just have the smartest most thoughtful children. I am truly blessed.