I have been focusing on how old Kaitlyn is and how big she is and how much she can do and how in just a few months she will be starting full day kindergarten. I will admit that on occasion i have even pouted about this.
I have wondered why I have been focused on this so much. Why I have pouted and moped about the "march of time" concerning my oldest.
Well today i think i have come to the root of the problem.
I have been avoiding the fact that my youngest will be turning 4 in 22 days. That she is already the size of a 5 year old. And that any of the last remnants of baby and toddler hood have left long ago. She has been a full fledged preschooler since her third birthday and maybe a little before it.
I do believe that i have been focused on the lesser of the two issues in my "mommy no longer has any babies" issue. I enjoy these now older children and relish in the freedom that them being older brings and yet some part of me revolts at the very idea that i have no babies. My girls are definitely not babies. My girls are not toddlers. My girls are on the very top end of preschooler. Geesh if Kaitlyn's birthday had been 6 weeks sooner she would be almost done with Kindergarten. They are smart, capable, independent, with very strong senses of self young ladies. They make me proud every day.
Oh, i admit I'm selfish. It's me that's not ready to share their wonderfulness with the world. They are poised and ready to skip, hop, and jump into the next stage in life. The stage where you get a best friend and are attached at the hip till at least the 4th grade. It's when I get pushed to the back seat instead of the passenger seat. I didn't like being kicked out of the drivers seat either. Darling Husband keeps telling me I'm still in the car. I know he's trying to cheer me up, but that just reminds me that one day I won't be in the car at all. One day far sooner than I'll want I'll have to get out of the car and yes I'll blubber like a big baby when I do.
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